Mom, I see you.

I see the way you carry the weight of their choices as if it’s a burden you must bear.

You think back to their childhood, questioning every decision, wondering if you could have done more. Maybe you remember the days when you were stretched so thin, doing your best to make ends meet, or the times you lost your patience when life felt overwhelming.

You ask yourself if the person they’ve become is somehow a reflection of your love or your efforts. But, dear mom, I’m here to tell you.. it’s not your fault.

They’re an adult now.

No matter what happened when they were growing up, they have the power, responsibility, and freedom to make their own choices. Who they are today is shaped by more than just the home they grew up in. It’s shaped by their own experiences, their own lessons, and ultimately, their own choices. You gave them a foundation, but what they build on it is up to them.

I know this well. I grew up with a narcissistic mother who taught me how to hate myself, who taught me everything love isn’t, and who showed me exactly how to not be a mom.

And still, I grew up to be entirely different from her. My journey was filled with lessons, healing, and choices of my own, independent of the example she set. I made the conscious decision to be a different person, to break the cycle, and to build a life based on love, compassion, and authenticity. I did this to make sure my daughter never has to endure what I did. But still; my daughter is her own person. Who will one day be an adult making her own choices. While I do the best I can, I’ll never be able to do everything perfectly.

As parents, we often carry the weight of our children’s lives, thinking that if they stumble, it must be because of something we did or didn’t do. But people are not the sum of their upbringing alone. We grow, we adapt, and we evolve, shaped by many forces beyond just our parents. Your child’s path, their choices, and their actions are their own responsibility.

They have the power to change, to grow, and to make decisions that align with who they choose to be, regardless of their past.

Please don’t hold their adult version as a reflection of you or your parenting. Don’t let their choices become a story about your worth. You are so much more than the outcome of someone else’s journey.

They have their own lessons to learn and their own path to walk, and that is separate from you. It’s a reminder that we cannot control everything, even when our hearts wish we could.

So, let go of the guilt, mom. Release the weight you’ve been carrying. You did the best you could, and you did it with all the love you had. And that’s more than enough.

Trust that, and trust yourself.

Let the adult version of your child be their own person, and let yourself be free.

Dear mom, it’s not your fault.

Mom, I see the weight that you hold,

the silent guilt, the stories told.

You look back, wondering if it was you…

a whisper of guilt, now held in all you do.

But we all must grow, we all must bend,

Our stories shape, but do not end.

So lay your guilt and worries down,

And let peace within your heart now be found.

Their choices are theirs and theirs alone,

Now grown far beyond what was shown.

So let go of the weight that you bear,

It’s not your fault.. I know how you care.

Know this truth, it’s no longer on you,

You did all you knew how to do.

You did your best, you loved them through,

Now leave the rest up to them to do.

So free your heart, let go of the blame,

And know, your love wasn’t ever in vain.

For they must walk their own day,

Finding their own light in their own true way.

TB💞